Dads will always be dads!
Who else read comments on Youtube while the song is playing in the background? This afternoon, as I was scrolling through comments for My Blood by Westlife, I stumbled upon this one:
“They seem like such loving dads, not everyone is so lucky”
As you may have guessed, we are going to talk about dads.
Who else knows at least 3 people who had unlucky experiences with their fathers? Coming from Burundi, this number can go up higher than the COVID-19 rate. Am I saying that most Burundian fathers are not great? Well, yes. Not only Burundians, but I am bold enough to affirm the whole African fatherhood system is flawed. What a wasted time to become real dads masqued behind toxic masculinity!
Who else contacts their mothers first when they receive great news? Well, if you do not agree on this, it is maybe because you do not receive that much great news often. Check your life! Back on a serious note, as someone who has assisted to many scholarships’ news, I have observed this pattern. When granted one call for their parents, almost everyone called their mother, with few exceptions related to personal background. Each time, as I saw the mothers receiving moving appreciations, I could not help becoming angrier at this injustice.
“Where are fathers in this?” “Why is no one asking for them at the table?” Shouldn’t we start requesting from them more than they offer?”
What a dreamer! “Dads will be always dads!”
They are men.
They cannot express emotions and feelings.
But they can express anger and violence.
They can express hatred and indifference.
They are breadwinners.
They do not have time to spend with their family.
But they have time to spend with their bar mates.
They have time to spend with their mistresses.
They are fathers, not mothers!
They do not have that sentimental instinct like mothers.
But they are fathers enough to impose their name on us, not like our mothers.
They are fathers enough to command full respect, not like our mothers.
Should we even go further with this article? I can sense that most of us know or lived this father-children relationship! At some point, you wished your father was around when you needed them, was supportive, was caring! We cannot, of course, expect them to be perfect human beings. What the African society should expect from them is to behave as if they contributed 50% of our existence all the time. Not 100% when it is time to exercise their toxic masculinity and patriarchy. Not 0% when it is time to hold them accountable for their fatherhood.
I am not disregarding all the amazing fathers out there. They are so special and deserve more recognition than they get. These are the ones who give me the hope that the current and next generations of fathers will be super awesome. The thought of this swells my soul with excitement and warm tears. Can you imagine it? It will be such a norm that there will be no need for these types of articles. Let’s keep encouraging our sons, brothers, and cousins to become better fathers. Becoming proof that dads can actually be dads always.
